Thursday Night
It's our first night home and I'm a nervous wreck. It's like when you first bring your infant home and you're flying solo. He's in bed now, with a headache - because I let him watch AVATAR - not in 3D but almost as visually stimulating to his fragile little brain! Ugggghhh, the guilt. So now I'm sick with worry. First that I've overtaxed his sore, healing brain and second because what if I can't hear him get up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night? He snuck out to use the bathroom during his nap, Andy caught him. I can't handle the worry that he might hit his head. We'll hook up the baby monitor that we used to use to listen for seizures and then I'll just stay awake all night outside his bedroom door, yeah, that's it, I'll start brewing the coffee now. I might knit while I'm up.
Well baby, I can bring the coffee over, I'm sitting up drinking coffee as I write this post. My worry, as your mother, is the same as it was when I first brought you home many years ago, but added now is my worry over Lincoln's recovery and you're taking care of yourself. My worry that somehow only I could protect you and keep you safe and strong is what you fear now. You and Andy have done the most awesome job these past years and in time, day by day our SUPER HERO will be himself, his tender brain will heal, but your worry over him and Eva will never end. That's called "mom", and for me we call it by two monikers - "mom" & "grandma". That's what we "moms" do best. YOU CARRY THE TITLE WITH GRACE AND MY ADMIRATION, for there are few others that I know that could do a better job than you!!
ReplyDeleteHang in there sweetheart.